Perplexed

Okay so this isn’t my usual rant.  There is nothing really to be upset about, no stupid people involved, no one being rude.  But as I sat pondering my next post while my kids watched Max and Ruby, I heard myself thinking what I always do when that show is on: where are the parents?

            Seriously, do any of you watch this show with your children?  Well for those of you who haven’t, it is a show about two bunnies, “Max and Ruby, Ruby and her little brother Max.”  In many shows, the children will take a bus or walk over to their Grandmother’s house, but never is their any mention of parent bunnies.  And I have to wonder, where are they?  Why aren’t they ever even mentioned?  There is no indication that they are at work, or away on vacation, or even deceased.  They are never mentioned at all.  Over and over again Ruby, the big sister, (who is only seven) takes care of little brother Max who is so young he only says one word at a time, so he’s what, maybe two?  Max is there when Ruby has a friend over, when she is going to bunny scouts, when she is doing her homework.  And at bedtime, it is Ruby who tucks Max in and handles lost stuffed animals and nightmares.  She feeds him; fixes his boo boos, and generally does everything you would expect his parents to do.

            So again, there is no reason for ranting or raving.  No one to blame (well maybe the writers.)  I am just perplexed.  Why did they write this show so that a young bunny is solely responsible for her toddler brother?  I’m not going to get all social justice on you or pretend that I think there is a message about the independence of children, or the political correctness of working parents, but I do think it is odd.  It is noticeable enough that every time my kids are watching the show I find myself thinking where are the parents?

            Does anyone know?

Are You Ready For Some Football?!

Are You Ready For Some Football?!  I am and that is the focus of my Feel Good Friday post today.  There is a lot going on in my life, dying cars, health insurance issues, job search struggles, and… the approach of football season.

            My husband and I are big fans.  At my suggestion, we celebrate every anniversary by going to our local team’s game that weekend.  We even have one of those NFL credit cards, which we used religiously to acquire points toward Super Bowl tickets (we’re hopeful).  You might have noticed the past tense used, and that is because recently after years of acquiring points, almost enough points to get those Super Bowl tickets, Bank of America sent us a notice that they were terminating the NFL credit card and all customers were urged to redeem their points prior to July or they would be forfeited.  I was upset; we were so close (honestly I am getting to the feel good part).  But there was no choice.  If we didn’t want to lose the points we had to redeem them. 

            I searched for an away game package, but they were all more points now that the program was closing.  So instead we got tickets for our anniversary to include field passes, and another set of tickets to a second game (and a grill cover, a sweatshirt and a number of other useless items that are not Super Bowl tickets).  Today, Feel Good Friday, I received both set of tickets.  The October game tickets are on the 50-yard line, row 3.  My anniversary game, 50-yard line row 1!  Yes that is right “I must be in the front row.”  So I feel pretty good today.  It is not the Super Bowl, but it is damn good seats, to two different games.

            The “We Need A Flood” angle?  Shortly after I redeemed my points, I got a second notice from Bank of America.  They wanted me to renew my credit card with the same number for a second NFL points program.  That is right.  The first program is cancelled and the points can’t be carried over, but they have started a second program and want me as a customer.  Yeah right.  Like I am going to fall for that again.  So even though I am feeling good this Friday, there will be no Bank of America branches or ATM’s on my ark.

Business Discourtesy

I didn't expect for both my husband and myself to remain unemployed for over a year, but that is what has happened.  You might find this hard to believe given the nature of this blog, but I am not someone who complains without acting. My general feeling about life is that if it is important enough to bitch about, it is important enough to do something about and I have very little tolerance for people who repetitively complain about the same person, thing, or circumstance without doing anything about it.  So although both the breadwinners in our family have been laid off for over a year, we have not sat back idly and moped.  We have sent out resumes, made cold calls, networked.  We have retrained, recertified and generally expanded our employment horizons.  We have started marketing ourselves for side jobs just to make something if not enough.  We have even begun researching opening our own business totally unrelated to our previous careers.  We have not been apathetic to our own cause.

            With all this effort you can see why I did not expect for us both to remain unemployed for this long.  The economy doesn’t surprise me.  It is the response of the employers that does.  That is why many of the employers I have encountered will not be allowed on the ark-so there!

            But seriously, to the company that held a four-hour interview and then ended with “Call on Friday we should have an answer by then.”  I hope you know more about water survival than you do about business courtesy.  You do not tell someone to call you and then avoid his call…five times.  At the very least, when your secretary answers the second or third time in a week and a half, you could at least instruct her to notify unwanted candidates that the position has been filled instead of repeatedly putting us through to your voicemail where we will remain ignored indefinitely.

            And to the employer that had a seven hour interview equipped with meeting the president of the company, perhaps we are unemployed at the moment, but that doesn’t mean our time is invaluable and we are looking for ways to waste it.  Do not end a marathon interview like that with the words “ Well, we are not even sure there is going to be a position, but if there is we will certainly consider you for it.”  If you don’t know whether you have an opening, don’t hold interviews.  Surely you, the president of a Forbes 500 company, must have something more important to do than play-act with me all afternoon.

            To the many, many companies that post jobs but never respond to the collected resumes.  I get you are busy, good for you and good for the person you end up hiring to handle all that business. But couldn’t you at least acknowledge receipt?  Is it too much for the person answering the phone to say, “ Yes, Mr. Jones, we did receive your c.v. but the position is now filled?” Is it really?  There was a time when that would have been the very least you could do.  Remember the 90’s when companies would send out postcards to let you know they now had your resume on file?

            But the biggest surprise to me was this.  I didn't expect for employers to disregard us because we were over-qualified. Not because our salary requirements were too high (you lower those as time goes on until you’ll accept almost anything commiserate with your industry), not because we were jockeying for positions that were not available, but because they want to hire someone with less experience because they are afraid an experienced person will leave once the economy rebounds.  Let me tell you something, I’ll work for a much lower salary for a company that gives me a chance in this horrible economy. Then when the economy rebounds, all I expect is for you to pay me what I am worth to the company.  I am confident that once you have the money, you’ll find me worth every penny.  And I have some sense of loyalty.  I’ll be fair with you because you were willing to give me a chance, as long as you are fair with me.

            The puzzling thing is that their poor judgment shows, but apparently not enough to affect their choices. I am hearing more and more clients unhappy with the level of incompetence at these companies.  I am hearing many people complain about the ignorance of the staff they encounter.  And customer service?  I’ve covered that topic before, but suffice it to say that these poor hiring choices show most obviously with the people interacting with the public.  So to all you employers who claim we are “overqualified,” you hire under qualified idiots all the time, God forbid you err on the overqualified side of the spectrum.

            My message to all the companies that are continuing to stifle the economy by hiring only the very young and inexperienced, who by the way, are not going to help you grow your market share they way we could, I suggest you add flood insurance to your executive benefits package.

Change

So while we are selecting out incompetent store workers, lets talk about the cashiers.  If you hand me my change on top of my dollar bills, I will make you walk the plank.

            In fact, I think I will create an entrance exam for admittance to the ark, and it won’t be like the college exams, which have become increasingly easier in order to jack up the schools’ attendance and thus profitability, it will be a real exam created with the intention of weeding out everyone but the most deserving.  Remember, this is my ark so I get to decide who is most deserving.  There will be no politically correct couching here; you either pass or fail. And on the basic customer service skills portion, if you put my change on top of the paper bills, you fail.

            This, like grocery bag packing, is not a difficult one.  Common sense should prevail here.  If you place a pile of coins on top of a pile of bills in a person’s hand, it is

likely to spill when the hand is moved, unless you are a master at stacking coins and the recipient has an exceptionally steady hand, and even then, why?  If you are counting back your change the way you are supposed to (I know, it is like grocery bag packing all over again, no one knows how to do this any more) you have to count out the coins first anyway. (To those of you for whom this is news, check out this website).  So place the coins in the palm of my upturned hand and then count back the dollars and place those on TOP of the coins.  It is much easier this way.  I can put the bills back in my wallet before having to go for the change purse, and nothing drops on the ground and rolls under the counter or half way across the floor so I either have to look like a fool chasing after it, or walk away from my money.

            And while we are at it, can you please learn how to make change without relying on the cash register?  Again not difficult, anyone old enough to work should have the basic skill of subtraction.  That is all change is you know, subtracting one number from another.  If you can count to one hundred and subtract, you ought to be able to make change without a cash register.  If you can’t do both of the above things, you ought not to be hired, at least not as a cashier.

            So lets go over this for the intellectually challenged teenager working at my local drug store. If my total comes to $13.47 and I give you a $20, all you need to do to get started is subtract 47 from 100 to figure out the coin part of the change. 100-47 is 53 so you owe me 53 cents to start.  Count that out from your drawer and place it in my hand.  If you are really good, you can even count it back to me handing me the three pennies and saying “forty-eight, forty-nine, fifty” and then handing me the two quarters and saying “and fifty cents makes fourteen”.  If you are already confused, please don’t take a job working with money. 

            Now you need to figure out the bills.  This is even easier because you are only subtracting 14 from 20; my first grader can do that.  So when you hand back the $1 you say “fifteen” because now our total is up to $15, then you hand me a $5 and say “twenty.”  This completed, you have successfully made change for the $20 I gave you and distributed it back in the correct manner.

            It is simple subtraction, and it is subtraction that is likely to never go above 100.

            Finally the one that really gets them at the store is when I hand them a payment that allows me to get back fewer coins.  Like for instance, the time that I handed the teenager $20.02 when my total came to $15.77.  She could not for the life of her figure out why I handed her the two pennies.  First she told me I gave her too much money and tried to hand back the pennies.  I explained that I did that on purpose.  She looked at me like a deer caught in headlights and said “but it’s too much.”  I explained to her how the pennies allowed the change to be a quarter.  Still nothing. Eventually I had to walk her step by step through the exact change to give me and she hesitantly went along with my instructions.  It would have been amusing if it hadn’t been so pathetic.  I mean really, when did Americans get so dumb and why on earth are employers hiring these ninnies?  There is a recession out here you know.  There are plenty of intelligent people who can make change, smile, and exhibit genuine customer service all at the same time.  There is no need for you to hire the idiot that can’t do her job even with the aid of all her fingers and toes.

            So the standards will be higher on the ark. If you couldn’t have graduated high school in the fifties, you aren’t allowed passage (unless, of course, you are a child).  My flood is designed to get rid of all the rude, selfish, and entitled people, if you can’t bother to learn subtraction you aren’t serious about survival of the fittest and we will be just fine without you.

Mangled Bread

I haven’t put a lot of thought into the social workings of the ark, but I suspect that if we are all going to be on board for a long time we may need some sort of ship’s store and if so, we are going to need someone to work the cash register and package the goods.  Can you see where I am going with this one?  People who cannot handle these simple tasks with some semblance of competence will not be allowed access to the ark.  In fact, maybe we’ll all take turns at the various necessary jobs on the ark and those who are incompetent will be fired and then dispelled.

            This post comes from many years of being thoroughly frustrated by the incompetence at the grocery store.  As a young mother, my grandmother worked at a grocery store (and a bank, and took in other people’s laundry to help pay her bills; people did that back then, did what it took to pay their own way).  Back then people took pride in their jobs.  I remember my mother telling me “anything worth doing is worth doing right.”  My grandmother knew how to pack groceries: cans on the bottom, bread on the top.  She would never have handed a customer a bag that had a turkey crushing the produce, or eggs precariously balanced and waiting to fall off the top.  It isn’t a difficult concept.  There is no need for an extensive education, just common sense.  If it is crushable like hot dog rolls don’t put it under something heavy like a 24oz can of crushed tomatoes. And believe it or not, you can fit more than three or four things into one bag if you have even a basic understanding of space (the round peg cannot fit into the square hole).  For those of you who don’t believe me, here’s how.

            If it were a lot to ask or even took a lot of time to do, it might not bother me so much that no one does this anymore, but if you know what you are doing (and I am sure a five minute training session from the host store could teach anyone) it can be done right in as much time as it takes to do incorrectly.  It is simply laziness on the part of the packer, and apathy on the part of the store.  I just don’t think it is that much to ask that my loaf of bread resemble a rectangle when I get it home instead of the mashed modern art shape I sometimes unpack from the bottom of my canned goods bag.

            My solution is often to beat the clerk to the punch and pack it myself.  I suppose my mom deserves a shout out for that one since it is she who taught me, when I was a young girl shopping with her, how to pack a grocery bag.  Who knew that would turn out to be such a rare skill?

Please Shut Up

First, let me apologize for another unintended absence.  I have no excuse other than August has been a very busy month for me and although I have encountered plenty of blog worthy situations that all call for a rant, I have had to make note of them for future use.  That said, I am back and I am responding to a request for more rants on rude people.  Let me introduce you to the self-important know-it all (and yes, I know who you are, or at least who you think you are) who is the latest on my ark black list.

            So today I am sitting in a class for which I paid a significant amount in order to hear two experts speak.  It was a hot day, and I love to learn and so for those two reasons I sat in the front row; there was a fan and it is easier to see and pay attention when one is up front.

            Right off, I realize I have made the wrong seating choice.  I should have sat on the right hand side of the room, but instead I have planted myself directly in front of a woman who feels that she deserves as much airtime as the paid professionals.  At first, it is just an overly loud “uh-huh” or “that’s right” coming from behind me.  Then she begins to follow their points with points of her own.

            In a seminar that only lasted two hours and accommodated thirty participants, none of whom were asked to introduce themselves or say anything at all for that matter, I learned that this woman used to be a musician and also a consultant with her own training firm by the time she was 39, and that she now writes poetry, loves Thelma and Louise, and does not believe that Anna Karenina had an antagonist.  I probably would know a lot more about her but for the fact that after about three interruptions I began chanting “please shut up” silently in my head every time she opened her mouth.

            Unfortunately, I seem to run into her type frequently.  It is one thing to be stuck next to her at a dinner party or cornered by him in the doctor’s office where I have to hear what a wonderful dancer he believes himself to be, but when I pay to go hear experts speak, that is exactly what I want: to hear the experts speak. I don’t want to hear other participants, who may or may not know more than the rest of us, tell the entire paying populous what he or she thinks.  We don’t care about your opinion.  If we did, we’d have paid to see you!  As it stands, we paid to see the very polite persons (yes it is persons not people for those who are concerned with the deterioration of the English language- look for a future post on the dumbing down of America) who are indulging your diatribe during their scheduled speech and smiling politely while the rest of us, or at least myself, seethe at your rude self-indulgence.

            So to the woman at the seminar who was obviously craving everyone’s attention for some dysfunctional reason, next time you are in a situation where a number of persons have paid to hear another person or persons speak, please sit there quietly, take notes, and fight any and all urges you may have to put in your two cents.  We aren’t interested.

Thinking For Ourselves

If you like my sarcastic rants, thank you and you can expect one shortly.  In the meantime, I have had such a trying week that I took a little time off from writing, especially about the things bothering me, because I was afraid that humorously sarcastic would morph into downright mean and I don't want to go there.  If I did, I wouldn't be allowed my own ark.  

However, in thinking about last week's post and the labels of left and right for political thinking, I realized that we as Americans have boxed ourselves into a two party system.  Americans' political views are as varied as Americans themselves and I think it is time we stop limiting ourselves.  Perhaps a little old-fashioned American diversity would do this country good during the next round of elections so here is my challenge to you all.

Don’t blindly follow a political party or politician.  Don’t let anyone tell you how a good “Democrat” or Republican" thinks.  Here is a quiz that will help you to determine to which party your own ideals are closest.  Politicians use propaganda to convince the masses they are Democrat or Republican depending on the agenda.  But when an intellectual debate is held, I think you’ll see that many who vote along party lines because they think they are supposed to would actually align themselves with a different political party if they examined the belief systems of all the political options.  Take this test and see which party you truly line up with best.  And then use that knowledge in the next election when it can make a difference.

And I’ll be back to bitching in the near future.